How To Win Love And Influence Your Partner

How to Win Love and Influence Your Partner

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen [and] slow to speak.

James 1:19

A poor farmer’s boy was born on this day in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri. As a teen he awoke every day at 4 a.m. to milk his parents’ cows. He managed to obtain an education at a small college in Warrensburg and shortly thereafter landed a job selling soap and bacon. He earned enough money to follow his dream of moving to New York. Unfortunately, the money dried up and he became nearly broke, living at the YMCA. But he persuaded the manager at the Y to allow him to offer a class on public speaking. That class evolved into a course that more than 8 million people have completed.

In 1937, he published the grandfather of all people-skills books, and it was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. The skills he teaches in this classic book are undergirded by a pervasive principle: people are craving to be known and appreciated.

We are not talking about throwaway questions like “How about those Red Sox?” or “Can you believe this weather?” though they certainly have their place. Quality questions are intentionally designed to open up a person’s spirit. They invite vulnerability, but are not invasive. They are personal, but respect privacy. They are asked out of genuine interest, but never blunt. A quality question conveys kindness, warmth, concern, and interest. It is couched in affirmation and appreciation.

But don’t think this simple skill of asking heartfelt questions is only for “winning friends.” It’s just as important within your relationship with each other. Happy couples make a habit out of asking each other good questions.^a

The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk to him about the things he or she treasures most.

—Dale Carnegie

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