Do You Promise Not To Tell?

Do You Promise Not to Tell?

Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear!

Luke 12:3

A Jewish publication ran an advertisement dominated by a drawing of a very stern-looking, bearded rabbi of the nineteenth century, Yisrael Meir Kagan, otherwise known by the name of his famous book on the Jewish laws of speech, the Chofetz Chaim, adapted as Guard Your Tongue. The ad included a hotline number to call anonymously if you had information about someone’s potential marriage, business dealings, or whatever. A rabbi at the other end would tell you whether your gossip is important enough to pass along. If not, you would be counseled to guard your tongue.

Interesting, isn’t it? The advertisement reveals as much about the state of our relationships as it does about our propensity for gossip. Who among us hasn’t been hurt by a broken confidence? It usually begins when someone says to you, “You have to promise you won’t tell so-and-so I told you this because she made me swear not to tell anyone. . . .” It sounds very confidential, but then why is that person telling you the secret? There is the appearance of keeping a secret but not the reality. Or then there are the things we say that don’t qualify as secrets at all because they’re simply our own ugly opinions, which shouldn’t be let out in the open, either. Jesus understood all this when he said, “Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear.”

We’ve all shared private and personal information with a trusted friend only to learn later that our friend has blabbed it to the world. But does this mean we should never confide in anyone again? No. We actually need to tell our secrets. Doing so helps us explore what is troubling us and sometimes leads to helpful feedback. Sharing our secrets lets us test the reaction to what we’ve been holding in our hearts. Not only that, it’s a relief not to be the only person who has experienced something, whether a temptation or a tragedy. It makes us feel less alone to unburden our souls and hear “Me, too” or “I understand.”

Sharing secrets with your spouse—and keeping them—can bring you closer together and deepen your relationship. Take time to be vulnerable with your spouse, and protect his or her vulnerability with you.

If a is success in life, then the formula is a = x + y + z. Work is x, play is y and z is keeping your mouth shut.

—Albert Einstein