Being Angry the “Right Way”

Being Angry the “Right Way”

Stay away from fools, for you won’t find knowledge on their lips.

Proverbs 14:7

On a trip to London we visited the Winston Churchill “war rooms,” where we learned that the bombs dropped during World War II are still killing people in Europe. They turn up—and sometimes blow up—at construction sites, in fishing nets, or on beaches more than half a century after the war.

What is true of undetonated bombs is also true of unresolved anger. Buried anger explodes when we least expect it, especially in marriage. Ever feel like you stepped on a buried bomb? It’s not uncommon for most couples. In fact, anger can become quite contagious and cause people to be irrational.

Consider the story Billy Martin, former New York Yankees manager, tells in his autobiography, Number One, about hunting with Mickey Mantle at his friend’s ranch. When they reached the ranch, Mantle told Martin to wait in the car while he asked if they could hunt. Mantle’s friend gave his permission but asked for a favor. He had a pet mule that was going blind, and he didn’t have the heart to put it out of its misery, so he asked Mantle to do it for him. Mantle agreed, but he went back to the car pretending to be angry, slamming the door and saying his friend wouldn’t let them hunt. “I’m so mad at that guy,” Mantle said, “I’m going out to his barn and shoot one of his mules!” Mantle drove like a maniac to the barn. Martin tried to stop him, but Mantle was adamant. “Just watch me!”

When they got to the barn, Mantle jumped out of the car with his rifle, ran inside, and shot the mule. Suddenly hearing two more shots, he ran back to the car. Martin had taken out his rifle too, and he shouted, “We’ll show him! I just killed two of his cows!”

Does anger ever have its place? Well, anger is a human emotion, so on the one hand, it does have its place. But here’s how Aristotle put it: “Anybody can become angry—that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

The key to being angry the “right way” is to ensure that you are not using your anger to inflict pain or pay back evil with evil (Romans 12:17). In other words, you are not seeking revenge but leaving that up to God. When you allow this principle to keep your anger in check, you are far more likely to reclaim countless moments in your marriage that would otherwise be given over to the ravages of rage and resentment. How might you better handle an angry situation with your spouse in the future?

Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.

—Robert Green Ingersoll