Becoming Trustworthy

Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.

Colossians 3:9-10

Jennifer is married to a penny-pinching spouse who likes an immediate accounting of their finances. Whenever Jennifer comes home from nearly any kind of shopping, her husband asks how much things cost, and she doesn’t like it.

“You went to that gourmet grocery? How much were these tomatoes?” he’ll prod.

“I think they were on sale,” Jennifer replies—while craftily avoiding an answer. “Aren’t they gorgeous?”

Knowing his wife’s predilection to hide the truth in moments like these, he quickly combs through the grocery bags to find the receipt. “You paid almost ten dollars for a pound of tomatoes!” he exclaims.

Although the price may very well be disconcerting to him, it’s the fact that Jennifer didn’t shoot straight with him on how much she spent that really irritates him. And it’s these little deceptions that diminish his trust in her and cause him to question her—which in turn causes her to feel encroached on and to evade him.

This may not be a common scene in your marriage, but it illustrates what is common to every marriage: the need for trust. This involves far more than just money, of course. We show love to our partners better when we shoot straight, especially when we are at fault. “One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong,” said Benjamin Disraeli. “And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission.” So true. Don’t be afraid of ’fessing up to your foibles. Whether it’s penny-pinching or hiding the truth or any other sin, though you may think it will drive your spouse away, confession will actually bring him or her closer to you because you’re becoming more trustworthy.

You can like somebody, you could even love somebody, but you have to work at trusting somebody and you’ve got to earn that trust.

—Tony Orlando

From the book