Are You Serving Leftovers?

Are You Serving Leftovers?

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.

Luke 12:31

Here’s something we’ve learned in our many years of marriage: busy people rarely give their best to the ones they love. They serve leftovers. We’re not talking about the kind that come from your fridge. We’re talking about emotional and relational leftovers—the ones that remain after the prime energy and attention has already been given to someone or something else.

This is sometimes known as sunset fatigue. It’s when we are too drained, too tired, or too preoccupied to be fully present with the ones we love the most, so they get what’s left over. No relationship can survive on leftovers forever. So what’s the solution? Well, there are many, but one of the most important is contained in a little, two-letter word: no.

For some of us, one of the most difficult things we can ever do is say no. Yet this little word is one of our strongest weapons in the war against busyness. If you don’t believe us, we’ve got to tell you that we’ve seen people literally collapse from fatigue, drown in depression, and develop debilitating illnesses because they never said no.

Some physicians even call cancer “the disease of nice people.” Surgeon Bernie Siegel tells about one of his cancer patients who never said no. She began to improve, however, after she finally told her boss that she could no longer work extra hours whenever he asked. She began to reclaim her time.

Siegel said, “People who neglect their own needs are the ones who are most likely to become ill. For them the main problem often is learning to say no without feeling guilty.” If you suffer from the disease to please, treat it seriously and assert yourself. Begin by making a list of things you have on your plate right now that it might be healthier to say no to. Discuss them with each other right now. As you do, you’ll help each other wield the mighty power of this little word and begin to save the best of yourself to share with one another.

Life lived amidst tension and busyness needs leisure. Leisure that recreates and renews. Leisure should be a time to think new thoughts, not ponder old ills.

—C. Neil Strait