Are You A Control Freak?

Are You a Control Freak?

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

Luke 12:25

“I am sure that when we spoke our marriage vows,” said Janet, “Bob added ‘to have and to hold as long as I’m the boss.’” She was sitting in my office after four years of trying to stand on equal ground with her husband. According to her, Bob never lets go of the reins. Literally. “He would have to be in a complete body cast before he would let me drive the car,” she complains. On a few rare occasions where Janet does get behind the wheel with Bob in the car, he tells her everything to do: “Stop here.” “Speed up.” “Pass this guy.”

“Then there is the remote,” Janet said. . . . “Need I say more,” she gracefully dismissed this easy target. But before the end of our counseling session, Janet summed up her husband this way: “He believes he knows how to do everything, and, by natural right, he is boss of anybody found standing in his vicinity.”^a

Sadly, Bob is known as a control freak. And truth be told, overcontrolling tendencies are always linked to anxiety. They’re the result of over-amped worry. That’s why almost all of us are overcontrolling on occasion—whether we admit it or not.

Isn’t a little controlling behavior healthy? you might be asking. Sure. Research indicates that feeling in control is vital to mental and physical health, as well as happiness at home and satisfaction at work. In fact, feeling to some degree that you are master of your own fate is one of the key traits of happy people, according to Christian psychologist David Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness. And even Scripture urges us to be in control of our tongues (see James 3:2).

Being in control, however, can be too much of a good thing. That’s why it’s beneficial for all of us who value our relationships to take a personal inventory of our controlling ways. If you become aware of how you can be overcontrolling, this proven strategy can help: know where you can and can’t exert explicit influence on each other.

We know of a pastor who nearly lost his marriage because he was treating his wife like a staff member. He would order her around the home, never asking for her advice or input. If you want to keep your controlling tendencies from getting out of control, you have to decide where you can exert your influence and where you can’t. And that usually comes down to handing over your anxieties to God. As Luke asks, “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” Of course not!

“Kindly let me help you or you will drown,” said the monkey, putting the fish safely up in a tree.

—Alan Watts

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