Accepting Ourselves

Accepting Ourselves

Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Galatians 5:1

Despite her many accomplishments in the world of writing, it’s a little strange that journalist and novelist Joie Davidow founded the regional magazine L.A. Style. After all, it chronicled the Los Angeles lifestyle, with all the fashion and parties and inclusion in the “in crowd” that went with it, but the irony is that Joie herself never felt like an insider. She was born with a large birthmark that covered nearly half of her face, which made her an object of ridicule. When she was growing up other children called her “monster girl.” In her memoir Marked for Life, Davidow recounts how for years she saw herself as abnormal and unattractive, and how joining a support group helped change her perspective. Meeting with others led to greater self-acceptance. Davidow writes, she realizes that she is “no more strange and no less strange than anyone.”^a

Of course, you don’t have to be born with a birthmark to struggle to accept yourself just as you are. Many of us continually compare ourselves to others: She plays tennis better than I do. . . . I’m not smart enough. . . . I’m the worst singer in the choir. If we let them, opportunities for comparison could go on and on. The underlying assumption for us in these situations is that our worth is questionable—with each experience, each conversation, each look giving a clue to our worth and value. This is a false assumption, since our worth is intrinsic to our creation in God’s image. When we are healthy, we are able to accept ourselves.

But as Christians, should we really accept ourselves? We have a fallen human nature—how can we accept that? The answer is found in truly understanding acceptance. Accepting the self does not imply belief that everything within one’s inner experience is good, valuable, or right, but only that it exists. Realism, not narcissism, is the goal. The healthy person recognizes shortcomings, accepts them as his or her particular shortcomings, and realistically evaluates how they can be changed. Unless you accept yourself—the good as well as the bad—you cannot hope to be set free from the slavery of sin.

How might you need to accept yourself today? And how can you serve as a support for your spouse on his or her own journey of self-acceptance?

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.

—St. Augustine

^a 4