A Kind Word

A Kind Word

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25, NIV

People routinely underestimate the importance of their relationship’s “small talk,” those little, unmemorable things we say to one another in the course of a day. It’s easy to miss the opportunities we have in those casual moments to speak kindly to one another. And though they could stand to benefit the most from speaking kindly to one another, spouses are no exception.

We’re not talking about elaborate praise or a heartfelt poem, as wonderful as those things are. We’re talking about simple, everyday kindness in conversation. Kind expressions, such as, “Thanks,” “You’re great,” or “I missed you today.” So often we take it for granted that our spouses know we appreciate them, but those little words of encouragement make a big impact.

“The small day-to-day things you say are more important than any of the overarching communication issues,” says Clifford Notarius, author of We Can Work It Out. Most marriage experts agree. Thomas Holman, a professor of family sciences at Brigham Young University who studies ways to increase marital quality, has found that making time for small talk is at least as important to couples’ happiness as agreement on values and role expectations, demographic similarities, emotional health, or parents’ marriage success.

When a couple is just sitting around talking, one of the things they are saying is, “You are important enough to me just to sit here with you.” It’s what Dr. Holman calls a “Maxwell House moment” because it is the kind of casual exchange that usually takes place over a cup of coffee. The subject isn’t relevant; it’s the kindness of the words expressed that matters.

Do you and your spouse just sit together talking like that from time to time? You might try it today. And the next time your spouse has a heavy heart, remember the wise words of today’s verse. You don’t have to throw a party, buy presents, or hire a clown. All you need is a kind word.

Those who loved you, and were helped by you, will remember you when forget-me-nots are withered. Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble.

—Charles H. Spurgeon