When Your Spouse Is Angry

When Your Spouse Is Angry

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Proverbs 15:1

HOW SHOULD YOU RESPOND if your spouse is angry? It’s natural to respond in kind, with angry words. But as Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, that will only lead to more argument. If you want to deflect the anger and get to the root of the situation, the first step is to listen. Why is your spouse angry? What have you done to cause hurt? Maybe it’s simply a misunderstanding, but you can’t know that until you listen. So if your spouse is angry, the best thing you can do is to stop everything and ask, “Honey, why are you angry with me?” Listen to the response.

The second step is to listen again. Ask questions to make sure you know what is being communicated. You might say, “Is this what you are saying? You’re angry because you left your shirts on the chair for me to take to the cleaners, and when you came home tonight, you saw them still lying on the chair.” “That’s right,” your mate says, “and you promised to take them to the cleaners. I don’t understand that.”

The third step is to listen. That’s right—do it one more time. “Honey, are you saying that I disappointed you by not taking your shirts to the cleaners?” “Yes, and I don’t have a shirt to wear tomorrow. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Ah, now you are ready for step four, which I’ll share in tomorrow’s devotion.

Father, when my spouse is angry and snaps at me, I want to snap back. It takes a lot of self-control to respond gently instead, but I know that’s what’s best for our relationship. Please teach me to listen first and make sure I understand why my spouse is angry before I respond. I need your help, Lord.

Spouse’s Anger