When The Children Leave Home

When the Children Leave Home

Live happily with the woman you love through all the . . . days of life that God has given you under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

A QUESTION I OFTEN HEAR from middle-aged couples is this: “The children are gone. Now what?” How do we relate to each other after the children leave the home? During the transition to the empty nest, the focus of the past twenty years becomes apparent. If you have focused solely on the children, you may have to start back at ground zero and rebuild your marriage. If you have focused on each other while raising the children, then you will climb to new heights of marital satisfaction with the extra time you now have together. In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon encourages couples to live contentedly with each other through all stages of life. Marriage is a gift in the early years before children, in the often hectic child-rearing years, and in the years after the children leave, which can be filled with newness and promise.

Whatever your situation, now is the time to assess the state of your marriage and take steps of growth. I suggest that you attend a weekend marriage-enrichment event, which will expose you to ideas on how to stimulate growth in your marriage. Also, try sharing a book on marriage by reading a chapter each week and discussing the content. One recommendation is The Second Half of Marriage by David and Claudia Arp. Focus on your marriage. Don’t just rock along; be intentional.

Father, help me to look at this new stage of marriage as an adventure rather than as a loss. Show us how best to focus on one another, and strengthen our relationship even more as we make this transition to being empty nesters.

Empty Nest