When Family Gets In The Way

When Family Gets in the Way

“A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.

Matthew 19:5-6

A WOMAN ONCE ASKED ME, “We are supposed to leave our families and cleave to each other, but my husband is so attached to his family that I feel left out. What can I do?” Of course, this situation can happen with either women or men.

The concept of “leaving and cleaving” is central to the Bible’s teaching on marriage. It first appears in Genesis, right after the very first woman and man were united. Both Jesus and Paul quoted this verse as well, and for good reason. When the principle isn’t followed, marriages suffer.

If you find yourself in similar circumstances, you will feel left out because your spouse is not meeting your emotional need for love. However, the answer is not to blast your spouse with angry lectures. When you do that, you drive him away. You will argue endlessly about the time he spends with his parents—which is the symptom rather than the root problem. Your relationship will suffer.

A better approach is to focus on meeting each other’s need for love. Leave the in-laws out of the discussion. Find out what makes your spouse feel loved, and share what makes you feel loved. Then concentrate on speaking the right love language. You and your spouse will be drawn together as you begin to feel loved by each other. Spending time with each other will become even more appealing than spending time with your parents, and your relationship will be strengthened.

Lord, sometimes I get frustrated when I feel my spouse’s family is more important to him or her than I am. Help me to avoid pointless arguing and instead focus on showing love. May we truly cleave to each other and be united in love.

Family