What Is An Apology?

What Is an Apology?

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Psalm 103:12

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED that what one person considers an apology is not what another person considers an apology? Consider this exchange between a couple in my office. The wife says, “I’d forgive him if he would apologize.” The husband responds, “I did apologize.” “You did not apologize,” she says. “I told you that I was sorry,” the husband replies. “That is not an apology,” she declares. So, what is an apology?

The truth is, it’s different things to different people. After three years of research, Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I have concluded that there are five basic elements to an apology. We call them the five languages of apology. Just like love languages, each person has a primary apology language; one of the five speaks more deeply to him or her than the other four. If you don’t speak the right language, the person you have wronged may consider your apology insincere. For the wife in my office, “I’m sorry” was not her apology language. The husband may have been sincere, but it did not come across that way to her.

Fortunately for us, God always hears and responds when we ask for forgiveness, as we see from the passage above. He who is able to know our hearts is more concerned with our sincerity than which words we choose to express it. But as mere humans, we often get stuck on the words. In the next few days, we’ll talk about the five languages of apology.

Father, I want to communicate well with my spouse, especially when I am apologizing for something. Please help me to understand the best way to communicate. Thank you for always hearing me when I confess my sin to you.

Apology