Listening With Empathy

Listening with Empathy

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.

Proverbs 18:15 (NIV)

THE ABILITY TO SPEAK and to listen are two of the more profound gifts of God. Nothing is more fundamental to a relationship than talking and listening. Open communication is the lifeblood that keeps a marriage in the spring and summer seasons—times of optimism and enjoyment. Conversely, failure to communicate is what brings on fall and winter—times of discouragement and negativity.

It sounds so simple. The problem is that many of us tend to be judgmental listeners. We evaluate what we hear based on our own view of the situation, and we respond by pronouncing our judgment. And then we wonder why our spouse doesn’t talk more.

For most of us, effective listening requires a significant change of attitude. We must shift from egocentric listening (viewing the conversation through our own eyes) to empathetic listening (viewing the conversation through our partner’s eyes). The goal is to discover how our spouse perceives the situation and how he or she feels. Proverbs 18:15 equates wisdom with careful listening and seeking for knowledge. In a relationship, this often means seeking knowledge about our spouse. Words are a key to the other person’s heart, and listening with the intention to understand enhances conversation.

Lord Jesus, I want to be an empathetic listener rather than a judgmental one. Please help me to concentrate on my spouse when we’re talking rather than on myself. Bless our conversations.

Communication