Ignoring The Issues

Ignoring the Issues

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19

THE LAST NEGATIVE COMMUNICATION PATTERN we’ll discuss is the Ostrich: “Ignore it and it will go away.” This pattern involves one person basically ignoring any of the other person’s actions and comments that he or she finds disagreeable. The Ostrich seldom responds directly to what the other person says. Instead, she changes the subject and moves on.

Ostriches are activists. If they are talkers, they will rattle on and on about nothing related to anything. If they are doers, then they will constantly be involved in activity. If you ask a question about what they are doing, you will seldom get a direct answer.

The Ostrich sometimes develops a singsong style of talking. You can interrupt her and make your own comments, but then she will start talking again—often on a topic unrelated to what you have just said or even to what she was saying beforehand. Her conversation goes in all directions and seldom reaches any conclusions. If you open a topic of conversation she finds uncomfortable, she may immediately change the subject.

James has the best advice for this person: Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Make sure you hear and understand what the other person says before you jump in. The Bible is clear that ignoring unpleasant issues—especially being confronted with something we have done wrong and need to correct—is foolish and leads to trouble (see Proverbs 10:17).

If you or your spouse is an Ostrich, you may need the help of a counselor—or else the ignoring will continue. And that’s a flimsy base for honest, direct communication.

Father, this tendency to ignore the difficult issues in our relationship affects both of us at times. Help me to realize how destructive that is. Please show us the right way to address conflicts and struggles head-on, with grace and courage.

Communication