Handling Anger Constructively

Handling Anger Constructively

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

IN THE PAST DAYS, we’ve looked at a five-step program for handling anger: Admit to yourself that you are angry; restrain your immediate response; locate the focus of your anger; analyze your options. Today we’re ready for step five: Take constructive action.

As I see it, there are two possibilities. The first is to lovingly confront the person with whom you are angry. The second is to consciously decide to overlook the matter. It’s what the Bible calls forbearance. The book of Romans talks about God’s mercy and forbearance in not counting our sins against us. Forbearance is the best option when you realize that your anger is distorted and has grown out of selfishness. If that’s the case, you release your anger to God with a prayer: “Father, forgive me for being so selfish.” Then you let it go. You may also choose to let go of offenses that are real but which you have blown out of proportion.

On the other hand, when your spouse has sinned against you, the clear biblical teaching is that you lovingly confront. “I realize I may not have all the facts, but I’m feeling angry and really need to talk with you. Is this a good time to talk?” Then you lay the matter before your spouse and seek reconciliation. In this case, anger has served a good purpose, and the relationship is restored.

Father, thank you that anger can serve a positive purpose. Help us as a couple to move from anger to resolution, so that our relationship may grow stronger.

Anger