Five Levels Of Communication

Five Levels of Communication

Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

Colossians 4:6

I’VE IDENTIFIED FIVE LEVELS of communication that occur in a relationship. You might picture these five levels as five ascending steps, each leading us to a higher level of communication. Today we start with the bottom step. I call this Hallway Talk because it’s the kind of talk you share in passing as you walk down the hallway. For example: “Hi, how are you doing?” “Fine, how are you?” “Fine, thank you.” By now you have passed each other, and the conversation is over.

This level of communication is common in marriage, but it is rarely satisfying. Several years ago, a young wife whose husband was an airline pilot said to me, “My husband is gone three days and then home three days. That’s his work schedule. He comes home after three days away, and I say to him, ‘How did things go?’ He says, ‘Fine.’ Three days apart and all I get is ‘Fine.’”

Do you understand her frustration? Some couples go for days speaking only on this level—and they should not be surprised at the lack of intimacy in their relationship. In Colossians 4, Paul writes about the way we should speak. The New International Version describes it as “full of grace, seasoned with salt.” In other words, our communication as a couple should not be bland and trite but meaningful. Without that, we will not be satisfied. In the next days, we’ll look at other steps on the communication ladder.

Father, forgive me for the times when I have been so lost in my own world that I have offered my spouse nothing but meaningless conversation. Please help us to enter into a deeper, richer discourse.

Communication