Enhancing Communication

Enhancing Communication

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Ephesians 4:29

LEARNING TO SHARE your thoughts is the most foundational element of communication. In marriages that fail, almost all couples say, “Our communication just broke down.” How do we keep this from happening? We do what we did when we were courting: Listen when the other person talks. Listen without condemnation.

If your spouse comes up with a new idea that surprises you, resist the urge to respond with criticism. Instead, ask questions. You might say, “That’s an interesting idea. If we tried to apply that to our marriage, what would it look like? What need would this meet for you? If we did it, what would be the downside?” Questions like these can lead to meaningful dialogue.

Statements such as “That won’t work for us” or “I don’t want to do that” stop conversation cold. It’s okay to have those thoughts and even okay to express them—if you do it in a positive way, after you have listened carefully to your spouse. You might say, “I’m afraid that might not work for us. I’m not sure that I really want to do it. Can we spend a few days thinking about it and then discuss it again?” That’s being respectful and helpful, following the advice Paul gives in Ephesians 4. Our words to each other should be encouraging, not abusive or discouraging.

When you’re keeping communication open and respectful, you’re moving toward a growing marriage.

Father, when my spouse shares an idea with me, please give me the presence of mind to listen before I react. Let my words and questions be helpful and insightful as we come to agreement as a couple.

Communication