Hearing His Voice #174

When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven.

Nehemiah 1:4

“Lord, more than ever I need to hear Your voice now. And I need to hear it more clearly than ever before.” That was my prayer in a desperate moment not long ago. He had spoken clearly about a matter years before and confirmed it many times since. Now it looked impossible. Life seemed to have dropped a devastating bomb on my understanding of God’s will. Everything I thought I had known Him to say seemed to be an illusion. Like Nehemiah, who believed in God’s plan for Jerusalem yet heard that the city still lay in ruins, I was distraught. My God-given dreams apparently were not God-given. They had been reduced to rubble.

I accused God of misleading me. (Jeremiah had done the same, so I figured I was in good company.) I railed at how demanding His promises had been, how they had stretched me, how I had clung to them for years in spite of circumstances, and how it now looked as if there would be no reward. But mostly I mourned. I sat down and wept. I fasted for days. And I prayed to the God of heaven who, from all outward appearances, had betrayed my trust.

This time I needed more than general Bible verses (I can subconsciously screen those to suit my purposes all too easily) and more than outward messages, signs, and coincidences. Those would all be welcome, but not enough. I needed the crystal-clear, inward voice of the living God. And it didn’t come as I expected. He quietly affirmed what He had already said, yet somehow turned my hope away from a particular outcome and toward Him alone. I can’t explain how; it just happened. And all without a “voice,” though surely He had spoken. Broken, I still knew He was—and is—walking me through a valley. The details weren’t the story. His presence and guidance were.

Lord, I don’t have to understand what You’re doing in order to trust You. I don’t have to hear details to know I’ve heard You. Just walk with me. Please.