But I’m In Pain

It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck than to face the punishment in store for harming one of these little ones. Luke 17:2

The e-mail read: “My marriage is the pits. He is a jerk. I’m in so much pain. I just want out.”

My reply in abbreviated form was something like this: “I know you are in pain. I know this is a real issue. Here are some options for help. Remember your four kids. They need you. If things get worse, put his bags on the doorstep while he’s at work, and if necessary, call the police if he creates any kind of a scene. Or if you really don’t feel safe, you take the kids and head to your friends, family, or a shelter. Remember, the kids are depending on you. Choose well.”

Then I got an e-mail a few weeks later: “I left. It was too much.”

My reply was sympathy, then a question: “How are the children?”

Her answer broke my heart. “I don’t know. I was in too much pain to deal with them, too, so I left them.” She left her kids with a man she had just told me was unkind, uncaring, and unhealthy. Her decision didn’t make sense.

So I asked a question I already knew the answer to: “Is there another man?”

Her predictable reply was yes. She rationalized the decision until I got an e-mail saying the court was not looking with favor on a mom who abandoned her children.

“I was just in so much pain. I felt I deserved better.”

Then I asked another question, “Who’s in pain now?”

“I am. My kids are. I pushed my pain off onto them, didn’t I?”

What are you doing with your pain? Are you pushing it onto someone else?