Reconnecting After Conflict

Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.

Proverbs 10:12

JOHN WAS AT A LOSS ABOUT WHAT TO DO. He and his wife, Karen, had experienced a big argument more than two weeks ago, and the emotional climate had been icy in their home ever since. They had settled into a routine of stubbornly giving each other the silent treatment, and neither one wanted to be the first to give in. John found himself longing to reconnect with Karen, but he was afraid that stepping toward her meant he had to take full responsibility for the argument and to admit that he was wrong. He was stuck.

Conflict is part of a healthy marriage, because every marriage brings together two sinners in need of a Savior. Unfortunately, many couples—especially Christian couples—have bought into the idea that good marriages aren’t supposed to have conflict. As a result, they spend valuable time trying to avoid or cover up conflict rather than doing the rewarding work of resolving it.

Frankly, it can feel safer to keep our distance and let our wives make the first move toward reconnecting, but playing it safe does not lead to the intimacy that God desires for us. Every fight does not have to have a winner and a loser. The gospel enables us to honestly look at our own failures and recognize that we need grace and forgiveness just as much as our wives do. When a marriage is undergirded by the gospel, conflict isn’t something to be feared.

BOTTOM LINE

God calls us to courageously engage in the process of resolving conflict with our spouse.

Moment of Strength: Proverbs 26:20