The Gray Swimsuit

The Gray Swimsuit

The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7, NIV

It was a Calvin Klein swimsuit that pushed me over the edge. Colored two shades of gray, it was lovely and understated and fit my best friend perfectly. As my thirteen-year-old self glanced down at my yellow swimsuit with bright purple flowers, I suddenly felt inadequate—my thighs too big, my chest too small. Without the armor of makeup and hair spray, I felt ugly and exposed, my enjoyment of the pool tainted.

It wasn’t her fault that she was slim and pretty, but a thin ribbon of jealousy curled through my stomach as I noticed her artless laughter, her effortless beauty. Lying next to her on a pool lounger, I suddenly felt frumpy and graceless.

Even though it’s been twenty years since that day, there are so many days when I feel like I’m thirteen again, measuring myself against someone else and falling short. That self-consciousness is something I haven’t been able to rid myself of. Although I’m much more comfortable with myself at thirty-three than I ever was at thirteen, I still find myself brushing aside compliments about my post-baby body or lamenting my squishy stomach. If it doesn’t feel beautiful, it must not be beautiful. Self-kindness is so often a struggle for me.

Recently, my mom and I had a conversation revolving around beauty and getting older. I was bemoaning some of the extreme measures I had seen people take in their efforts to turn back time.

Pausing, my mom simply said, “There is beauty in aging. But you have to look for it.” And isn’t that true? Though we may not always fit society’s definitions of beauty, there is something infinitely precious and valuable in our “flaws.” God sees our inward beauty, not the outside veneer we obsess over. The scars on my belly and the thin white streaks on my hips speak to babies delivered into this world, cradled and cared for by this “imperfect” woman. If God can look at me and see beauty, should I not be able to do the same?

—Kristin

— Today’s Act of Kindness —

Communicate to someone else—your mother, sister, daughter, or friend—that her “flaws” are beautiful.