Lying To Myself

Lying to Myself

I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes.

Jeremiah 31:25, NASB

I lied twice in one Sunday. Then I lied again on the next Tuesday.

When a friend asked how I was doing that Sunday—with my husband’s month-long recovery from surgery, with the pressure of doing all the household chores and daily care for our three children, including a newborn—I gave her a pat answer. As the words “I’m fine” tumbled insincerely from between frozen lips, I felt sick with the guilt weighing heavily in my stomach.

After my initial response, my friend questioned me further but then dropped it. On Tuesday, the woman I was visiting with called me out on my fib. “You’re lying,” she said, her laughter removing the sting of her words. “I remember those days.”

My friend saw right through my forced words and canned reply. Honestly, it was a relief to have her tell me what I already knew, and I felt reassured that she saw me in the midst of a struggle yet didn’t judge me for the pretense. I hadn’t been lying just to others; I’d been lying to myself. I like to be in control. I like to hold things together, and I’ll do it even if it’s with Scotch tape and Band-Aids. When life gets hard and messy and ugly, I will fake it until I make it.

That week, I lied to my friends because I wanted to lie to myself. I wanted things to be okay, but they weren’t. Most of all, I lied because my foolish pride wouldn’t let me ask for help.

Sometimes we are the ones in need of a little kindness, a little care, and a little comfort.

Feeling humbled, I wiped tears from my eyes and prayed for forgiveness. Lord, forgive my arrogance. Help me to realize that it’s okay to ask for help and not feel ashamed or embarrassed by doing so. Help me to remember that you satisfy and refresh me when I am weary.

—Kristin

— Today’s Act of Kindness —

The next time a trusted friend asks how you’re doing, answer them honestly. If you’re in need of a little help, ask for it.