The Bad Boy

The Bad Boy

This is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace.

My friend’s new boyfriend seemed like a bad influence. He was wild and partied on the weekends, was crass and loudmouthed. In fact, he seemed like her complete opposite. I didn’t understand why she found his bad-boy nature appealing, and I worried about the choices she might make because of his influence—so I decided to intervene.

After talking to another concerned friend, the two of us devised a strategy to create distance between my friend and her boyfriend. And it worked. But it also failed epically, because her next boyfriend—the one we advocated for as an alternative to her current boyfriend—ended up being worse in ways we couldn’t have anticipated.

My friend never knew about my intervention—but I did. I knew I had broken the trust she’d placed in me, and I didn’t think she would forgive me if I came clean.

Afterward, I berated myself. Why hadn’t I talked to her about it instead of being deceptive? I wondered. After all, we had been friends for years. She trusted me, and even if she disagreed with my perception of her boyfriend, our friendship was strong enough to withstand a single hard conversation. Instead, I took the coward’s way out. Not only that, my guilt over how the ugly situation had spiraled out of control made me an even worse friend. I became afraid to speak the truth in future situations after having already ruined things so thoroughly.

Perhaps the only good thing to result from the experience was the lesson I’ve never forgotten. The next time I was tempted to intervene in a friend’s life, I thought long and hard about the honest conversation I’d need to have. And, more importantly, I prayed and asked for wisdom beforehand. Friendship requires bravery—and honesty. Speaking hard truths, being vulnerable, and admitting the mistakes we make are all part of deep, authentic friendships. Our good intentions are never a replacement for honest conversations.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

If you are putting off an honest conversation with a friend, be brave and speak with truth and love.