Remembering Who You Are

Remembering Who You Are

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

As a people pleaser, I’m often tempted to confuse my labels with my identity. It’s as though I have a report card for relationships, and instead of earning grades in math and English, I’m earning grades in daughter, wife, mom, and friend. I spend way too much time wondering, Are my parents pleased with me, thereby making me a “good” daughter? Is my marriage picture-perfect, thereby making me a “good” wife? Are my children intelligent, compassionate, perfectly behaved angelic creatures, thereby making me a “good” mom? Am I a woman who meets all the needs of my friends, never failing them, never disappointing them, thereby making me a “good” friend?

The truth is that I control—at best—one half of a relationship. I cannot control my parents’ thoughts, feelings, or actions; I cannot control my husband’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. I cannot control my friends, and I am slowly losing my illusion of control over my children as they grow into their own personhoods. It is unhealthy to use my children, husband, parents, and friends as my report card, and doing so can lead to dysfunction in those relationships.

Paul teaches us in Galatians that our identity is in Jesus. Embracing that truth is life-giving for us and for those around us. When I am able to remain rooted in that truth, my relationships with my parents, husband, children, and friends are healthier. I am less prone to attempts at manipulation and power struggles when I am not defining myself through the lens of those labels.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Ask God to reveal where you might be finding your identity in your relationships and how that might be adding unnecessary pressure on you and on the other people involved.