Healing Not Hurtful

Healing Not Hurtful

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

It was little things, at first. A snide comment about how she would never let her son play the sport my friend’s son was in because it was too dangerous. An offhand remark about how she didn’t really struggle with parenting. At every opportunity, she cultivated the image of perfection—perfect mom, perfect kids, perfect family—while she aimed flaming arrows of doubt at my friend’s life and parenting skills.

My friend ignored this woman’s hurtful words, but eventually they took a toll. Finally, when the woman told my friend that she couldn’t imagine having four kids—the number of children my friend had—because she felt like you’d never be able to devote quality time to them individually, my friend felt like she’d had the breath kicked from her lungs.

“In my mom-guilt moments, that comment resonates over and over in my head,” my friend told me later. “And I begin to question our decisions.” Over time, the toxic comments and comparisons beat down my friend’s confidence, until she finally recognized that her “friend” wasn’t really a friend at all.

“When I picked myself up out of my puddle of tears, I knew that these four boys were God’s perfect plan, and I rest in that,” she said. With new eyes, she reevaluated her interactions and took steps to avoid the toxic friend.

Although the woman’s words hurt my friend, the opposite is often true as well. When we choose to speak words of life to our friends—affirming their parenting, congratulating them on milestones at work, recognizing the unique and lovely aspects of their character—our words can be a source of healing. Like a well-timed gift, kind words are a balm to the soul. Though a friend may accidentally speak a careless word here and there, larger issues are at hand when they repeatedly speak unkind words with no consideration for feelings. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to put boundaries in place and choose to instead spend time with friends who speak healing over our lives. And, in return, we can proactively choose to be friends who do the same.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

If a friend’s words or actions consistently tear you down, reevaluate the relationship and consider implementing healthy boundaries.