Friendship In Marriage

Friendship in Marriage

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

I love cheesy romance novels. Give me a sappy love story, witty characters, and a problem that’s resolved in a satisfying way over a horror story any day of the week. Sure, it’s predictable, but there’s a comfort in knowing that no matter what happens, eventually I’ll get a happy ending.

Real life is a bit more complex. All too often, we see the pressure that’s placed on people to be romantic. From “promposals” to grand Instagram-worthy gestures, romance is placed front and center. But while keeping the spark alive is an important component in marriage, it’s even more important to see the person you’re married to as a friend—maybe even your best friend.

When things get tough, friendship in marriage can be the glue that binds a couple together. Recently, a colleague was experiencing problems in his marriage and seemed resigned to an eventual divorce. “I want to stay together for the kids,” he told us. “But once they’re gone, I’m going to just say to her—why are we together? You don’t even like me anymore.”

That sentiment is heartbreaking to hear. I don’t want to just love my spouse; I want to like him too. My husband and I have individual hobbies, but finding places where our interests overlap fosters connection. For us, friendship happens when we cook or watch movies together. It happens when, every anniversary, we go through our highs and lows of the year and talk about what’s on our bucket lists: Where do we want to travel? What house projects would be fun to work on? What didn’t work this year and needs to change?

Ephesians directs husbands to treat their wives the same way they do their own physical bodies—by loving them and meeting their needs. Yet this isn’t just a reminder to care for our spouse’s physical needs—emotional needs are equally important. Going forward, let’s resolve to not just seek a spark that can fizzle, but to foster deeper connection through friendship.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

If you’re married, write down five ways you can cultivate friendship with your spouse, then choose one to try.