Family Friendships

Family Friendships

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

It had been a long, cold month, and everyone in my house was suffering from a strong case of cabin fever. With the schools closed due to subzero temperatures, my children had been snappish with each other all day.

As the oldest of three siblings, I know how the game is played. Someone is obnoxious, someone retaliates, and then everyone runs pell-mell to mom in a race to tattle first. In a moment of mothering brilliance, I gathered my children together and sent them to their rooms with the following instructions: (1) I was no longer in the middle of their spat, and (2) they would not be leaving their rooms until they had worked out their disagreement with sincerity and love.

It wasn’t long until I heard murmuring from upstairs. I snuck up the stairs a bit to make sure it was going well and had to suppress a secret smile. My children were sitting in their doorways, taking turns explaining what about the other person’s behavior had been frustrating, listening with care, and sincerely apologizing for their individual roles in the conflict. Less than fifteen minutes later, they returned downstairs, friends once again, their disagreements resolved, asking if they could play together.

My mom frequently told my brothers and me that we would need one another’s friendship as adults. She was right. I treasure my friendship with my brothers, and sibling friendship is an expectation I’ve set for my own children. Anger and frustration are inevitable as siblings grow up together, and learning to handle those emotions and resolve conflict in healthy ways is a skill to be learned and practiced. Scripture is clear: anger allowed to fester gives our enemy a foothold in our lives and relationships. We are commanded to deal with anger and the underlying conflict rather than avoid it or, worse, secretly feed it until it grows into a far larger problem.

Learning to handle conflict in a healthy way is a journey, not a destination. Teaching siblings (and teaching ourselves) to engage in healthy conflict will have successes and setbacks, but don’t give up.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Consider how to incorporate a healthy conflict-resolution habit into your family to strengthen the ties of friendship.