Establishing Boundaries

Establishing Boundaries

We are each responsible for our own conduct.

It happens every spring when we emerge from the long, cold Minnesota winter. As soon as the snow starts to melt and the temperature tops 50 degrees, my children hurtle headlong outside, usually barefoot and coatless. But, also without fail, I find myself having to randomly quiz them on our expectations for interacting with neighbors. The rules are simple:

• Talk to Mom before you go to someone’s house.
• Play outside, rather than inside, with friends.
• If your friend isn’t home and you decide to visit another, tell Mom first.
• Share with others, and clean up any messes you contribute to making.
• And, because they once knocked on a neighbor’s door, flashed pitiful, puppy-dog eyes at her, and told her she “forgot” to give them a granola bar: don’t ask for food (you can eat at home).

Our neighbors are incredibly kind and have likely overlooked many a faux pas, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t trying to teach our kids manners. Our rules aren’t meant to stifle our children; they are meant to help them understand the need for healthy boundaries.

Likewise, the rules that govern friendship are complex. Yet in the same way that a few rules help maintain positive relationships with our neighbors, establishing boundaries is equally important for maintaining healthy friendships. This includes things like refusing to indulge in gossip, accepting responsibility for mistakes, asking for forgiveness, sharing information in an appropriate way (not under or oversharing), not compromising our core values, and knowing how and when to say no when it’s needed (as well as accepting no from our friends).

Galatians reminds us that we are each responsible for how we behave. As people of God, our goal should be to maintain the healthy boundaries we’ve established while still conveying love and grace to those with whom we are in relationship.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Make a list of healthy boundaries. Resolve to work on establishing (or renewing) a boundary for maintaining a friendship.