Being Okay With Messy

Being Okay with Messy

Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

“When I woke up this morning, I didn’t anticipate having to spend most of my afternoon tucking my drunk friend into bed before dinnertime and watching her three young children who were left to fend for themselves until their dad got home,” my friend Carrie stated sorrowfully. “She’s one of my best friends, and today I found out she’s a closet alcoholic.”

I offered prayers for Carrie and her dear friend while also sitting with the unspoken and unanswered questions: What do we do when things get hard? When we find out about our friends’ struggles, how do we respond?

I found an answer as Carrie continued: “Alcoholism is messy. Secrets in friendships are hard. But I love her. I love her kids. These are the moments Christ fills the gaps of friendship. During the shock and disbelief that a friend could do ‘something like that,’ there is the whisper of Christ telling me how to love her, how to still call her my friend, how to lean in.” Carrie is not hopeless. She is trusting that Jesus will lead her in the ways to lovingly help her friend through this time.

As I sat thinking about Carrie’s words, I was reminded of the time the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus. The people asked him what should be done with her after her obvious sin. They expected Jesus to condemn her, and yet he didn’t. He protected her, and when her accusers had left, he told her he didn’t condemn her either, that she was free to go and sin no more.

Such wisdom and goodness from our Savior. In this life we’re certain to rub up against one another’s imperfections and even sins when living in true community. How should we respond in those times? With shock and disgust? Or with compassion and love? Although boundaries are sometimes necessary in relationships, we cannot let our desire to remain comfortable or safe keep us from loving others well in the middle of their mess.

— Kendra

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

If you have a messy friendship, choose to offer that person love and support during this time.