A Toxic Friend

A Toxic Friend

No one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.

“I chose to protect my son by ending the friendship,” my friend said, sighing. Her comment was both sad and firm.

Her son, Sammy, is a tenderhearted elementary schooler. Brandon, his usually polite and well-mannered friend, nevertheless had a habit of making hurtful remarks to her son and then tracking her down to repeat those hurtful complaints directly to her.

For a year, my friend regularly had Brandon over for playdates with Sammy and, at first, worked to simply redirect the conversation with Brandon when he approached her with critical comments about her son, assuming they arose out of frustration from a minor conflict the boys were having.

Eventually, my friend began to realize that the comments were not based in frustration or annoyance but were a learned behavior. Brandon’s running negative commentary had been absorbed from someone important in his life, and he was learning to do friendship with the same unhealthy habit.

How do we balance loving others well and avoiding relationships with potentially toxic people? My friend struggled in prayer for months over her son’s friendship with Brandon. She knew that while another child might be able to handle Brandon’s imperfect friendship without internalizing his negative comments, her son—with his gentle heart and tendency to internalize and meditate on hurtful words—could not.

Sometimes, boundaries are necessary. Tongues left untamed and untrained drip poison. Just as we should not allow others to drip poison continually into our own ears, as parents, we are responsible for establishing healthy, protective boundaries for our children until they are old enough to do so on their own.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Set appropriate boundaries with people who drip poisonous words and do the same for the children in your life.