Could This Marriage Be Saved?

Could This Marriage Be Saved?

It was a marriage of different expectations.

JOHN WESLEY thought he had found the perfect wife in the widow Molly Vazeille. He praised her for her “indefatigable industry . . . exact frugality . . . uncommon neatness and cleanness both in [her] person . . . clothes and all things around [her].” Molly was past the age of childbearing, so Wesley would not be bound by the responsibilities of fatherhood; she was financially independent, which would free Wesley from the need to support her and allow him to continue to give to the poor; and finally, she was not a member of high society, so he would not have to accommodate the prying eyes that had followed one of Wesley’s earlier love interests.

In January 1751 John Wesley decided he would marry Molly. Before they were married, Wesley planned a preaching tour in north England. Early on February 10, 1751, Wesley set out, but he didn’t get very far. On London Bridge he slipped on the ice and sprained his foot. So instead of preaching, he turned back, staying at Molly’s home for a week so she could care for him.

During that fateful week he announced his intention to marry Mrs. Vazeille immediately. Previously John and his brother Charles had pledged that neither would marry without the other’s approval. Now John merely wrote to his brother, announcing his decision. Although history is imprecise as to the exact date they married, brother Charles said the event “made us all hide our faces.”

Two weeks after the wedding, Wesley set off to preach. Much to his disappointment, Molly did not write for at least “four whole days.” He wrote, “My body is stronger and stronger—and so is my love to you. God grant it may never go beyond his will! O that we may continue to love one another as Christ has loved us.”

Molly eventually tried traveling with John, working among the poor and attempting to help John’s ministry, but the difficulties wore on her quickly. Wesley made no attempt to change his schedule, desiring that his wife show true compassion and godly obedience. Molly grew increasingly resentful of his absences and developed a violent temper.

As she became more unhappy, Molly sought to make Wesley’s life unhappy as well. She destroyed some of his writings, publicly criticized him, and repeatedly accused him of adultery. In 1771 she abruptly left, only to return home three years later. Wesley was a small man, and shortly after Molly’s return, a friend of Wesley’s “entered a room unannounced to find Molly dragging her husband across the floor by his hair.”

Things continued to deteriorate. Twice more the couple attempted to reconcile, but in the end Wesley was resolute in his rejection of his wife: “You have laid innumerable stumbling blocks in the way, . . . and increased the number of rebels, deists, atheists; and weakened the hands of those that love and fear God. If you were to live a thousand years twice told, you could not undo the mischief which you have done. And until you have done all you can towards it, I bid you Farewell!”

Never to speak or meet again, Wesley was not even informed when she died. In his diary he simply noted, “I came to London and was informed that my wife died on Monday. This evening she was buried, though I was not informed of it.”

Reflection

Sometimes we think that a pastor’s family should have it all together, but the stresses of ministry can wear a marriage thin. What do you believe caused the problems in the Wesleys’ marriage? Do you think anything could have been done to save their marriage? What can we learn from their unfortunate example?

Now, for those who are married I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11