What Does It Look Like? - Timeless Honor (Part Deux)

What Does It Look Like? - Timeless Honor (Part Deux)

SO . . . BACK to the rest of us. How do those of us, whose parents did not model honorable lives or who have made grievous mistakes, right the wrongs for our next generation? I would like to propose an equal balance of family pride and shame. Let’s start with the unpopular topic of shame.

Some generations of our society have no concept of shame. This word is so ugly we have purged it from our vocabulary. It’s a tool in building a life of character that we’ve buried for the sake of building our children’s self-esteem. Sure, you can shame someone to the point of damaging his or her self-confidence or psyche. But have we gone overboard? Have we failed to define and explain honor because the opposite—the teaching tool of shame—is out of vogue?

In lieu of shame, my parents indulged me with a benign version of vague scolding so as not to damage my self-esteem. I, along with millions of other mothers of my generation, followed their example with my own children: forfeiting any mention of shame—which they might inflict on themselves or our family—out of concern that it might shake their confidence. But by eliminating the concept of shame, I failed to introduce her counterpart—pride.

Family pride, that is. And this is what I believe my cousins Jerry and Betty have modeled and taught. They teach their kids that they have an obligation to their family and out of that obligation comes a desire to be a person of distinction, a person who lives above the fray.

So as I think about my granddaughter, Ava, and what I want her to see, I realize I want her to see what honor looks like. I can’t right my past wrongs, but I can be mindful of my examples and teachings today. I will assist her parents as they balance the teaching of shame with stories of generations of honorable ancestors. We will model for her that a life of honor is developed one important decision at a time. And following Jerry and Betty’s example, Steve and I hope that Ava will feel the same sense of family pride as she one day looks across the dining room table at us.

For the LORD grants wisdom!From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. (Proverbs 2:6)

I’m praying that together we can revive an old-fashioned trait. Will you join me and lead a discussion with your family on the concept of family honor?