Getting A Do-over - I Would Invest In Myself

Getting a Do-Over - I Would Invest in Myself

IT IS MY HONOR to introduce you to my girlfriend Melissa.* I have been in awe of Melissa for many years. She navigated an incredibly successful professional career as an executive of a Fortune 100 company, has been married to her husband for forty years, and has “reinvented” herself in her retirement. Melissa is one of the smartest women I have ever met, so I’m always a bit intimidated and tongue-tied when I talk with her. Can you imagine? Me, tongue-tied? Yes—when I’m with Melissa or talking with her on the phone, I just want to listen.

So listen is what I did when Melissa told me her do-over would trace back to her first few years of marriage. Melissa explained that she had had some “strange thoughts” about what a good wife and mother should be.

Melissa said she believed her husband was responsible for taking care of things—everything from providing for them financially to ensuring that his little family was happy and content. It was not until years later—after they had made huge sacrifices financially so he could return to school full-time and after they returned to what Melissa believed would be their “normal” life—that she realized that she had cheated herself out of her own growth and development in order to support him during his years of higher learning.

Melissa’s do-over would be to not deprive herself on behalf of her husband and child, but to invest as earnestly in her own well-being as she did in theirs. I asked Melissa what she would pass on to other young wives and mothers. She said:

You will be a better wife and mom when you are growing and are fulfilled. Don’t play the role of martyr—invest in your own intellectual and emotional development.

Establish your identity and interests apart from your husband and children. Don’t blame them if you wake up one morning to realize your life is only and totally about them.

Take responsibility when it comes to the future financial welfare of your family. Don’t expect your husband to bear the burden, alone, forever.

She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. (Proverbs 31:17-18)

Melissa said she’s still head over heels in love with her husband of forty years and believes their marriage is strong because they’re not the same people they were when they married. She attributes their successful marriage to being able to grow, adapt, and develop—individually and together.

When you choose to invest in yourself, others will also benefit from the return.

*Melissa is not her real name, but I do get tongue-tied when I talk to her!