A Different Perspective - Successing Our Kids To Failure Or Failing Our Kids To Success?

A Different Perspective - Successing Our Kids to Failure or Failing Our Kids to Success?

WE FAIL our children when we don’t allow them to fail.

You can quote me on that. I know this like I know my hair is turning gray. I think when it comes to our kids, we all need to stand back from the artwork and turn off the light. Now don’t get all huffy and close the book. Hang with me for a minute.

Like you, when I was a child, my parents did not get involved in my schoolwork; my homework was just that—my homework and my responsibility. With the exception of open house in the fall, they did not meet with my teachers; those were my teachers and I had to deal with them—the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Most of them were terrific; a few of them were frightening.) My parents did not go to the principal to argue on my behalf to ensure I had special teachers or special classes; that was for me to navigate based on my class performance. Nor were my parents hovering and nagging me to fill out college applications; if I wanted to go, I would need to take the initiative and pick up a pen; oh—and I had to figure out how to pay for it too.

My parents worried about me when my feelings were hurt, but they did not rescue me from my spats with friends; they were good, empathetic listeners, but they were not going to intervene by calling someone’s mom. They did not make excuses for me when I made bad decisions; more than once I lived with the ramifications of poor choices.

Were my parents bad parents? No, I think I had excellent parents. When it came to helping you define yourself and gain independence, your parents probably were pretty good too. They prepared you for the real world—where work is hard, managers are unreasonable, and life isn’t fair.

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1:3-4)

Will you allow the paint to be smeared, smudged, and messy as your children learn to navigate their own problems, find their own answers, and call upon their inner strength? Don’t circumvent the building of their faith.