A Reason For Empathy

“Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.” (1 Peter 3:8, NLT)

You have a grandchild. Or maybe a bunch. I’m delighted for you and hope they bring you great joy and are part of a legacy that impacts the world. I have eight grandkids, and I believe each one of them will be a force for good in the world. Bringing solutions, not problems.

Judah, Jack, Emerson, Gideon, Reese, Nolan, Finn, and Nixon didn’t exist fourteen years ago. Now I can’t imagine a world without them. I enjoy thinking about them, hanging out with them, and imagining their future—even after I’m long gone. I also enjoy talking about them and showing off photos.

Yet, after a few painful conversations, I’ve learned to hold my tongue and—in quite a few interactions with other seniors—maybe not even mention my grandchildren at all.

As much joy as your grandkids may bring you, that’s how much quiet agony is being experienced by an increasing number of people over sixty who are desperately longing for grandchildren and—in increasing numbers—don’t anticipate ever having any.

Statistics from Pew Research Center reveal that a little more than half of adults fifty and older had at least one grandchild in 2021, down from nearly 60 percent in 2014. What’s more, the trend of young adults remaining childless is increasing rapidly. From 2018 to 2023, the number of U.S. adults younger than fifty without children who say they are unlikely to ever have kids rose from 37 percent to 48 percent.

For those of us with a vibrant crew of grandchildren with whom we interact regularly, let’s choose empathy. Not pity. Not sympathy. But let’s be compassionate and tenderhearted toward siblings and friends who may never experience grandparenting. Let’s have a healthy awareness that our sharing about what’s going on in our family may sound like bragging. Our celebration may lead to a kind of mourning. In many cases, they’re glad for us, but quietly brokenhearted for their own circumstances.

In a similar category are grandparents who live far away from their grandchildren, as well as grandparents who have been cut off—for any number of reasons—from their grandchildren. They are experiencing a difficult, although hopefully temporary, kind of loss.

In most of these cases, there’s not much we can do about it. As a compassionate Christian adult, your instinct may be to come alongside and help them talk through their pain or sorrow. However, in this case, that may not be the best approach. Any talk from you on the topic of grandchildren may open emotional wounds and add to their heartache.

Finally, being aware of this epidemic of heartache should lead you to overflow with appreciation for each and every one of your own grandchildren.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Despite the trend described above—or maybe because of it—you may have friends and family members without grandkids who graciously and genuinely ask about what’s going on with your brood. Hearing about the achievements and seeing photos of your extended family might bring them joy, not sadness. In that spirit, you might even invite those loving souls to picnics, parties, or holiday gatherings where they can experience the unique satisfaction of hanging out with young people who represent the future. Creating opportunities for friendship, laughter, and connection to span across the generations is always a meaningful choice.