Build Bridges, Not Fences

Karen

We have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.

—1 John 4:21 CSB

Look, if this is going to be yet another call telling me I’m not obeying God, then I’m just going to politely hang up now, okay?”

The voice on the other end of the phone line was that of a new friend from church. She and her husband had just prayerfully opted to put their two formerly homeschooled kids in the neighborhood public elementary school. That morning—the first day of school—she had already fielded two calls from other women questioning her family’s decision.

I had not called to give my friend a lecture. Not at all! Since my home was across the street from the kids’ new school, I’d called to suggest that she put me down as an emergency contact in case one of them got sick or injured and she was unable to be reached.

“Also,” I continued, “right now I can see both of your kids outside at recess playing on the monkey bars. They look like they are having a ball. I thought hearing that might set your mind at ease.” My friend apologized for her initial response, then she broke down and cried.

Schooling choices can divide people. So can politics. Or the choice of church denominations. Or lifestyle decisions such as the organic-only eaters from the fast-food brood. Different decisions can lead to many divisions.

Today’s verse gives us a cautionary directive from God about how Christ-followers are to treat one another. “We have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister” (1 John 4:21 CSB).

What does it look like to love a fellow Christian who makes a choice that isn’t a sin issue but is different from yours? Well, I know what it doesn’t look like. It doesn’t look like caustic and critical comments or behind-the-back gossip. It doesn’t exclude someone once they’ve changed their work status from stay-at-home mom to full-time employee. And it certainly doesn’t include making cloaked comments on social media designed to make someone else feel left out or somehow less than.

If we claim to love God, we must also love one another.

Life is a voyage packed with choices. Prayerfully supporting a friend’s choice is a way to show unconditional love. While connections with other women in similar life situations can be crucial for idea gathering, perspective, and empathy, don’t narrow your choice of friends down to only those who make all the same decisions you do.

Pick up the phone. Reach out. Build loving bridges, not barbed-wire fences. You’ll obey God’s command—and reflect His love—when you do.

Father, teach me to genuinely love and practically support others whose lives do not look exactly like mine. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Is there anyone in your life who built a bridge toward you? How did it make you feel? Is there anyone you need to build a bridge toward?