Tasting Grace & Patience

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

—Ephesians 4:2

I have always been on the round side of average. I was a round-faced, chubby baby, a little girl with soft, puffy cheeks, a teenager who longed to be skinny and never was, who routinely threw all her pants on the floor and glared at them like enemies. A woman who still longs to be skinny and who still, from time to time, throws all her pants on the floor and glares at them like enemies. The heaviest thing isn’t the number on the scale but the weight of the shame I’ve carried all these years—too big, too big, too big.

I used to think the goal was to get over things—to deal with them once and for all. But there are some things you don’t get over, things you just make friends with at a certain point, because they’ve been following you around like a stray dog for years.

Being a Christian means practicing grace in all sorts of ways, and my body gives me the opportunity to demonstrate grace, to make peace with imperfection every time I see myself in the mirror. On my best days, I practice grace and patience with myself, knowing that I can’t extend grace and patience if I haven’t tasted them.