Sleep & Prayer

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

—Psalm 4:8

I believe in God partly because I have to, because I need something to pray to with my rabid, sweeping mix of fear and love. When Henry was a baby, I would have blown a fuse in my brain every night if I couldn’t have entrusted him to God for safekeeping while I slept. It’s hard enough for me to sleep, and I believe very desperately in God. I’d never sleep a wink if I didn’t.

Those first nights, I prayed out loud every night, asking God to keep Henry alive through the night. I had no reason to believe that anything would happen to him. He was healthy and normal, although at the beginning healthy and normal seem relative, because they are so tiny and wiggly and alien. So I prayed out loud, fervently, like I was at a revival. Dear God, please please please keep our baby healthy and alive through the night. Thank you thank you thank you for him, and please please please keep him safe through the night. I wasn’t creative in my language, but what I lacked in vocabulary, I made up for in intensity.