On Building A Marriage

My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.”

—Song of Songs 2:10

I chatted with a new friend in Nashville last week. She asked my advice on marriage. She’s a newlywed with a busy career, and she was telling me that she wanted to be a good wife, but it was so hard to keep the house clean and learn to cook, etcetera. I said, Hold on: Don’t worry so much about cooking and cleaning. Cooking and cleaning never built a marriage. But listening and memory-making and looking each other in the eye will. Make time to be together, to go on dates and bikes rides and listen to each other.

When Aaron and I are stressed, what puts us back together is intentional, connected time together. It’s dates, where I put on heels and perfume, and he wears a tie, and we hold hands and talk and talk and talk. Making that time and pushing ourselves out of the house even when we’re tired is so good for us, because it reminds us that we’re living a love story, not running a small business together. It reminds us that part of love is taking the time to listen to the tiny details of someone else’s life and genuinely care about them.