I Am Worn Out From Sobbing

IF WE’RE PAYING attention, we will have daily opportunities to face our own flaws and weaknesses. Whether it’s in relationship with our spouses, children, friends, or coworkers, we will lash out, harbor resentment, or feel wounded by even a slight offense. Some seasons are worse than others for various reasons, but at times we may feel exhausted by our own brokenness and inability to act rightly toward those we love. In those moments, God invites us to cry out to him and share with him the shame and pain we feel. Our temptation is to close down and hide, and we might even excuse ourselves by saying that God already knows everything. Although this is true, expressing our hearts to him and speaking honestly about both our wounds and our sin allows healing to begin.

In addition, we have been hurt and continue to be pressed on all sides because of the brokenness of the world and those around us. Things are not as they should be. We desire relationships and experiences that do not fall within God’s will for us, and the gap between our desires and his grows painful and obvious. Scripture teaches us that we can express our desires, heartache, and missed expectations to God. He listens and mourns with us. And he doesn’t leave us there but rather moves us toward hope by reminding us of his love for us, his desire that we would be whole and healed, and his unrelenting faithfulness to bring us into the fullness of Christ.

Let us name and grieve the personal pain and despair we feel over our own flaws and failures and simultaneously open ourselves, as much as possible, to what God may have for us as we explore and lament our brokenness, sin, unmet desires, and inability to pray what Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane: “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42, NIV). God will point us toward the hope of Christ to redeem, heal, and restore. May we be open to this hope.

I AM WORN OUT FROM SOBBING

a prayer to open

In the midst of my pain, Lord, I cry out to you.

When darkness sets in and I can’t see the light,

lead me in the way of hope, and fill my heart with joy.

O LORD, don’t rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your rage.

Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak.

Heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.

I am sick at heart.

How long, O LORD, until you restore me?

Return, O LORD, and rescue me.

Save me because of your unfailing love.

For the dead do not remember you.

Who can praise you from the grave?

I am worn out from sobbing.

All night I flood my bed with weeping,

drenching it with my tears.

My vision is blurred by grief;

my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.

Go away, all you who do evil,

for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my plea;

the LORD will answer my prayer.

May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified.

May they suddenly turn back in shame.

When we are overwhelmed by our own brokenness or weakness, we can tend to think that God has turned away from us, left us to suffer on our own. We must rely on what we know to be true instead of what we are feeling in the moment: God is near, sustaining and allowing for every breath; his ear is bent toward us even as we imagine him leaning away.

• Review the opening verses of today’s psalm. Where are you feeling weak and in need of God’s compassion? Where do you need his healing and restoration?
• Now review the next verses and remember God’s unfailing love for you. What is true about him? Consider simply repeating the prayer we prayed each day in the “Rooted” section: “I am loved. I am known. I belong to you.”
• Finally, review the closing verses. What negative and untrue thoughts plague you in your weakness and seek to turn you away from God or cause you to doubt his love for you? Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see the lies you are believing and empower you to rest in what’s true.

Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak.

Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.

Restore me, Lord, so my heart will be whole.