Preference

Preference

I wish that all of you were [single] as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

ONE OF OUR KIDS has been adamant since she was young that she doesn’t intend to marry or have children of her own. She would prefer to remain single. My husband and I have kept an open conversation with her, not wanting her to close off from us. We also understand that as she grows her opinions and life choices may change. Or they may not. Either way, we support her feelings.

What has been curious to us is others’ responses to preferences on marriage and children when it comes up in broader conversation. People are usually quick to tell her that she will change her mind and make sweeping statements about how “everyone wants to get married and have kids.” Quickly (and often unintentionally), they dismiss her opinion and feelings.

But this has caused our daughter to question herself. Am I wrong to not want the things that everyone else seemingly does? To prefer singleness? she asks my husband and me. And so, we turn to Scripture, as we so often do when looking for answers and find that Paul advocates strongly for people who feel so led to stay single. This is a valid life choice. We read several passages of Scripture to her, affirming her feelings, and she feels a bit relieved, feeling validated in her preference.

There are things in the church that are accepted as a best option or even a mandate, when in reality they may simply be a preference. Our culture can have an influence on our lives, including our faith and the way in which we read Scriptures. Sometimes we need to take a step back and ask ourselves, Is this really required, or is this just a preference? Are there other options or opinions that are equally valid? Understanding this truth can aid us in not only helping others navigate their lives and faith journey but also encouraging us to live out the way in which God would ask us to rather than according to the expectations or preferences of others.

Lord, give us wisdom to pursue the things you ask us to. Amen.

-Kendra

One Good Step: Write down five beliefs you have. Consider whether those are mandates or simply preferences. Spend some time with God, and seek his plan for your life, not just other people’s preferences.