Mourn

Mourn

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

I GOT A TATTOO. I wanted to do something to commemorate my kids and decided on a group of birds. My oldest suggested that I get a bird to represent the baby we’d lost through miscarriage. I agreed to add it.

The day I got my tattoo I came home with mixed emotions. I didn’t love it like I thought I would. In fact, I hated it. I found myself looking up ways to get rid of tattoos and sat in my closet crying. “Lord,” I whispered, “why do I feel such angst about this?”

Immediately a memory of sitting in my closet after my sister died of cancer and weeping in a similar fashion came to mind. I looked again at my arm where my tattoo was only partially covered. I didn’t mind it so much. Only when I could see the full picture, with the bird meant to remind me of our miscarriage, did I not like it.

And it struck me. This feels like mourning. Years earlier when I’d miscarried, our lives were hectic. We had small children and foster kids. I didn’t have time to grieve. Or so I thought. But ignoring pain never really makes it go away.

I wept when I realized what was behind my angst. For months afterward, I mourned for that baby like I’d never done before. And the pain felt new and fresh, like it was happening again, and in a sense it was. Grief would hit me like a wave and I’d whisper, “God, help me.” And he’d be right there. Offering his peace, right alongside the pain.

As I realized the truth that we often avoid mourning in our culture, I came to understand that my grief wasn’t holding me back. Instead, it was there to walk me through my sadness, and this time, I treated it like an old friend. Slowly, I began to feel peace as I allowed myself to mourn.

The most important lesson I learned was that God was there, right in the middle of my mourning. He is so close to us when we are heartbroken. We can trust that he’ll bring us through our mourning.

Lord, thank you for binding up our broken hearts and for being near in our grief. Amen.

-Kendra

One Good Step: Don’t be afraid to mourn, whether it’s the loss of someone, or something, such as a job, a dream, or a possession. God is there with you.