Lament

Lament

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.

“MY BABY HAS NEVER KNOWN NORMAL. Some days it is hard to be surrounded by mothers of similar aged children whose biggest challenge is teething or not sleeping or being a picky eater. I don’t want to be resentful, but sometimes I can’t help it. Do you know how many MRIs my daughter has had in her first year of life? How many tests and procedures? And we still have more questions than answers, being asked to live in uncertainty. It’s all so, so hard.”

I listened helplessly as my friend’s voice dissolved into tears, too many miles away to wrap her in a hug, helpless to do anything but clutch my phone and sit with her in her grief, both of us crying over what should have been, what is, and the unknowns, separately but together. It is possible to grieve deeply, hope wildly, love unconditionally, rage incoherently, and trust God explicitly, all at once.

God is not dishonored in our lament. We can bring our shattered hearts before God with no pretense. We can hurl an agonizing wail of “why” heavenward, shaking our fists as we rage at the unfairness of life without fear of punishment or retribution. And spent, we are invited to simply sit, surrounded by his presence, promised that he is near to the brokenhearted.

I am learning to honor lament, to be quietly supportive in the presence of another’s tears or anger or however else her grief is manifesting in that moment without platitudes or clichés, offering a quiet hug, a coffee refill, and the gift of listening without fixing or soothing or diminishing. She controls the conversation, and sometimes a long, silent companionship fills our shared space, bringing a comfort that my words cannot.

Do not be afraid of lament, in yourself or those around you. We do not disappoint God in our wild grief. Jesus wept. He knows lament.

Lord, may we be women who are unafraid of sitting alongside those who are weeping. Amen.

-Julie

One Good Step: Do not avoid someone walking through grief. Check in with a phone call or a text, offering to bring a coffee and a listening ear.