Hide

Hide

Even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.

IT WAS SOMETIME IN FIFTH GRADE that my daughter stopped wearing color. I found her formerly beloved sequined, rainbow-hued Unikitty shirts shoved into the recesses of her drawer, the few plain T-shirts I had for her on continuous rotation.

When I gently broached the subject on her wardrobe shift and her penchant for grays, dark blues, and blacks, her words struck me—“Mom, I want to blend in, not stick out.”

Mom friends of similarly aged girls confirmed the experience. Our girls, in different schools, different states, and from a variety of backgrounds, were choosing clothes designed to hide after spending years in childhood wardrobes designed to loudly proclaim their presence.

As I told a girlfriend about Lizzie’s wardrobe shift, her thoughtful response was that her own love for dark, muted colors was likely a similar attempt at hiding. We both paused at that confession, allowing her words to hang in the air for several heartbeats. Her words have stayed with me. Starting somewhere around middle school, we start to hide the truest version of ourselves. Dark clothes, makeup and a perfectly coiffed appearance, a jokey, fun-loving demeanor, a competent, take-charge attitude—all of it is clever camouflage meant to protect the core of who we are.

But we can’t hide from God. He sees the vulnerable girl who stares back at us in the mirror, freshly scrubbed and clean, devoid of layers and pretense. And he loves her. He is not distracted by our attempts at camouflage, and he sees past our attempts at deflection. With him, we get to be the young girl who proudly wears every color and every pattern, all at once. We are invited to be the truest, rawest, most honest version of ourselves. Instead of hiding, we are invited to lay our broken, most vulnerable pieces before him, and he will heal us, welcoming us into his Kingdom, his family, his arms.

Lord, we cannot hide from you, for you see everything, with no regard for day or night. Help us practice bringing our broken pieces to you instead of trying to hide them away. Amen.

-Julie

One Good Step: How do you hide? Start watching for behavior patterns when you feel insecure and uncertain, taking those insecurities to God in prayer instead of continuing to hide.