Discernment

Discernment

Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.

“DO YOU WANT TO KNOW why you feel uneasy telling her personal things?” I asked a friend who was telling me about a mutual acquaintance we had who she was working with as part of a nonprofit.

“Because she’s not safe.” I continued. “And I don’t mean not safe like she won’t challenge you when you need to be, we need friends who’ll do that. I mean she wouldn’t think twice about publicly shaming you or outing something you told her if you did or said something she didn’t like. That’s what makes her an unsafe person.”

My friend nodded in agreement. “That’s exactly what makes me so unsure about her.”

“Be kind to her,” I responded, “but don’t feel like you have to bring her into your inner circle of people you share the most intimate parts of yourself with.”

Discernment can be a touchy subject. Sometimes people use the idea of discernment to keep their circles closed off from certain people or to separate themselves from others in a way that judges or shuns them. But there is a godly discernment that comes from listening to the Holy Spirit and creating healthy boundaries around people who could potentially be harmful to us, either emotionally or spiritually.

This does not mean we have to completely cut people out of our lives, but we can be discerning in how much we share with them, how far we let them into our inner circle. We all need people close to us who we are free to open up to, sharing the hardest parts of ourselves with them. But discerning who those people are and who they are not is important. Whenever we are unsure, we can pray and ask God to give us discernment about our relationships. He can help us judge who is “safe” and who is not.

Lord, may we be people who are able to see below the surface, discerning who is healthy for us to be close to and who is not. Bring us people who are true and safe friends. Amen.

-Kendra

One Good Step: Think about the people you spend the most time with. Are you able to discern who is safe and who is not? Spend some time asking God for wisdom as you navigate your relationships.