Mom Heart Moments #298

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

IF YOU’VE READ MANY THINGS I’VE WRITTEN, you know this: I don’t believe in formulas! However, in thinking about what has worked in terms of building relationships with my children over the years, there are five things in particular I have found to be key components:

• Time and Availability: Whatever the age, children develop better when they know I will make our time together a priority. People grow close not through monitoring one another’s behavior but by working together, playing together, talking together, celebrating together, weeping together.
• Unconditional Love: In building relationships with my children, I must learn to accept unconditionally the person God made each of them to be —even with personality traits that differ from mine or that make me uncomfortable. I have to love my children with a mature commitment that reaches past my feelings, which can change from circumstance to circumstance.
• Affirmation and Encouragement: I believe most children are acutely aware of their limitations and their failures. While they often need correction for their mistakes and even confrontation for their sinful selfishness, they also need recognition for their real efforts and accomplishments and positive reminders of who they can be with God’s help.
• Grace: Our children need us to give them the grace to grow. If we make them think that we expect perfection, then eventually they may give up trying to please us, because they know they will always fail, or they may spend their whole lives feeling guilty for their failures.
• Relationship Training: We need to consciously train our children in the skills and attitudes that will enable them to sustain positive relationships. A person can only experience true intimacy when his or her heart has been deepened and exercised in real love and commitment.

Are you building your relationships with your children in these five ways? How might you take a step closer to your children today?