What’s Most Important

“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

MY EYES SKIMMED THE LIST my oldest son had just handed to me.

“I might want to add a few more things,” he said offhandedly as I flipped the paper over to see a complete second page of items for his Christmas list.

“I think you might have enough here, buddy,” I said, not wanting to dampen his enthusiasm but not wanting to get his hopes up either.

“Yeah, but I just saw a commercial for one more thing . . .” His voice trailed off as he took the list from my hand and walked back toward his room. I sighed, wondering what to do. What he was asking for was not only unrealistic but also a bit selfish.

A few days later, Kristin, Julie, and I met for coffee. As I cupped the mug in front of me, grateful for its warmth, I shared the experience with them. They listened quietly, nodding understanding of my quandary.

“I want something more than this, you know?” I lamented. “Presents are fine, but that’s not what I want Christmas to be about. I want to teach my kids to be more generous and not just focused on what they can get.”

Kristin and Julie agreed. With young children of their own at home, they felt the same desire to push back against the consumerism that has overtaken the season.

“I have an idea, Kendra,” my sister said. We leaned in as she began to tell us about the acts of kindness she’d been seeing on social media. “What if we did something like that? Together?”

For a moment, it sounded like a lot, but as she shared ideas—cookies for neighbors, thank-yous to teachers, holding the door for others, and shoveling the neighbor’s driveway—our enthusiasm flared to life.

“They don’t have to be big things or even cost money. We can pick some bigger things, but mostly, let’s look for ways to do it in our everyday activities.”

Julie and I nodded as our minds started simmering with the possibilities.

“Let’s do it,” Julie said, snagging a napkin from a nearby table and beginning to take notes.

It was a simple plan: one kind act each day. Our families would rotate, so we would each do one activity every three days. We’d post a picture on social media and describe what we’d done, which would keep us accountable and also encourage others to do the same. No act was too big or too small. We’d try to find things in our neighborhoods, community, country, and even the world.^a

I left the coffee shop, encouraged to try something new. When I arrived home and explained to my husband what we were planning, he readily agreed that this was a good idea for our young family.

We told the kids our plan at dinner a few nights later. We gave examples and then told them they could each choose one of their own ideas that we could do together as a family. I printed off kindness lists found online so they could see the possibilities.

“But there’s one other thing,” I said as we finished, looking around the table as my kids’ heads popped up. “This means we won’t buy as many presents for ourselves because we want to use some of our finances for other people. You’ll still get some presents—just fewer.”

“Christmas is really about Jesus and showing our love for him by loving others,” my husband added.

The kids nodded, albeit hesitantly.

“You’ll see,” I said, smiling. “This is going to be fun. I promise.”

Over the next several weeks, it was fun. Our children began to scour the kindness lists, highlighting the options they would want to do, finding a passion for people and causes we hadn’t ever discussed or even known about.

They decided to each pick out a toy for another child their age to be given at Christmas, and my oldest son found a program for homeless veterans that we bought supplies for and sent off together. We bought chickens and soccer balls for families overseas and brought diapers and supplies to a young mothers’ program in our community. With each act, I would whisper to my kids, “This is what Christmas is about. This is one way we show our love for Jesus.”

Although it wasn’t always perfect—my kids still threw tantrums, complained about helping, and sometimes whined about what we were doing—they also felt the thrill of giving, of being a blessing to someone else. And that experience started our family on a trajectory of shifting the focus of Christmas back toward Christ.

Each year since that first one, our kids have known that we’ll be coming up with a list of kindnesses to do for others, and they each have their favorites: making cookies to give to neighbors, buying gifts for kids in foster care, supporting veterans through Wounded Warrior programs, and more. We have all started to look around for the needs in our world and then to ask, “How can I help?”

Christmas has become a time to celebrate Jesus by noticing those in need and doing something, even a small thing, to alleviate or fill that need. But the beautiful thing is that this has developed in us a habit of noticing needs not just at Christmas but all year. My kids’ sensitivity toward others doesn’t end on December 25; they now notice needs and want to help any time a concern arises. And because we’ve already been doing kind acts, they feel empowered to meet needs any time of the year. That is one of the greatest (unanticipated) lessons we’ve all taken away from this addition to our Advent traditions.

Maybe you, too, have struggled to keep Christ at the forefront of Christmas. Many of us want to maintain some of the traditions we grew up with while also incorporating new ways to encourage an expectancy for Jesus and what that means for us. Doing kind acts is a practical way for us to show our kids what it means to love God and others in a tangible way they can understand—to see that Christmas isn’t just about what we can get but what we can give. It’s a lesson we can all learn at any age.

Pushing back against our culture’s consumeristic, me-first mentality isn’t easy. It won’t be perfect—it doesn’t have to be—but it is possible. It starts when we find ways to put Jesus’ greatest commandment into practice each day. And in return, we find the joy and merriment this season is truly all about anyway.

Lord, thank you for such a simple-to-understand commandment—loving God and loving others. Help us to live it out each day. May we look for ways to be generous and kind to those we come in contact with throughout our day. Inspire us to meet needs that come to us, both near and far. Give us a heart that notices needs and is moved with compassion to help those around us. And may we carry your love for others even beyond this season and into the new year. Thank you for your love and kindness to us. We love you. Amen.