Unsolicited Feedback

Anytime we put ourselves “out there” in any way, we can feel exposed—whether it’s going on a job interview, presenting a holiday meal, or waiting for guests to RSVP to our party. I felt deeply exposed when I finally said out loud to someone else, “I’m starting a new healthy eating plan.”

I was concerned that others might roll their eyes and think, “There she goes dieting again.” I anticipated the eerie feeling that friends and skeptics would now pass judgment on my every bite.

Even well-meaning encouragement or questions can be embarrassing when it calls attention to an area of struggle. A friend once asked in front of a group if she could have my size 16 slacks, now that I was wearing a smaller size. While she meant to highlight my successful weight loss, a different response ran through my mind: “Now everyone knows the number I previously thought I’d hidden behind fashionable pleats and tunic sweaters!” In addition, the brief suspicion struck me that everyone was really wondering if I would gain all the weight back again. Some people call this insecurity. I call it normal. So, what’s a girl to do?

Don’t let people’s compliments go to your head, and don’t let their criticisms go to your heart. The degree to which you do either of these things is the degree to which you’ll be ruled by what other people think of you. And, boy, I know from experience how dangerous it is to build the stability of my identity on the fickle opinions of others.

Each day, let God whisper into your heart the truth of who you are — and whose you are. Filter the opinions of others through the reality that just because they think it doesn’t make it true. Be brave enough to accept negative feedback as a possible call to action, but not a definition of your identity. And while you enjoy the positive feedback, refuse to get bloated by it.

We must rise above the chatter of the world, place our identities in the un-shifting grace of God, and keep our hearts tuned to the reassuring whispers of Jesus.