Because Sometimes I Want To Stop

Before Made to Crave was published, I was working to develop a webcast to release at the same time as the book. Everything was cruising along when all of a sudden I hit an emotional brick wall.

Worry swept over me. My heart started beating fast. And suddenly, I wanted to stop the whole thing — the webcast, the book, the teaching videos, the workbook — all of it.

A voice that sounded like my own swirled in my mind: A woman and her struggle with food is a really sensitive issue. You are going to make some women mad. You can mess with a woman’s pride, her spending issues, her anger, her insecurity, and her envy … but the minute you mess with her food, it isn’t going to be pretty.

I visualized really ugly emails from women angered by the Made to Crave message. And I started feeling afraid, accused, and tired. I wanted to crawl into my bed and hide in the safety of that quiet, private place.

But I was supposed to meet up with my friend Holly for our daily morning run in a few minutes. She’d start calling, and if I didn’t answer, she’d come looking for me. And no one wants to find her friend snoring in bed at 11 a.m. (Yes, I snore, but that is a terrible subject for another day.)

Anyhow, back to my bout of complete dread on a morning that started so bright and cheery. What happened?

Diabolos. That’s what happened. Some insecure thoughts dressed up as doubts came knocking on the door of my heart. Instead of turning them away with truth, I swung the door wide and allowed discouragement and defeat to march right in.

The accuser. The slanderer.

In Greek, his name is Diabolos. Some call him Satan. I call him the enemy whose main goal is to separate us from the truth. As I noted in an earlier devotion, his name literally means “the one who casts something between two to cause a separation.”

Anytime we feel separated from truth — separated from God and our identity in Christ—you can bet Satan is having a field day tricking our feelings into this bad place. If he can get us to feel as if God is far away, then we’re tempted to believe God really is far away. This is a lie.

When faced with a lie, we must boss our feelings around with the reality of truth.

The reality in my situation is that the message of Made to Crave is crucial. It’s truth. Not my truth, but God’s truth. This message has freed me in ways I never dreamed possible. And it will free other women too. God called me to write this truth. He came close and whispered this message into my heart. He was close then and no matter what I feel in this moment, He’s close now.

Some of the truths in Made to Crave are hard. Like step-on-your-toes-and-make-your-lips-purse-together-in-frustration hard. But I didn’t invent these hard Bible truths; God did. And wrapped throughout the harder truths is a grace that is tender, magnificent, and so very empowering. I reminded myself that God is big enough to handle my doubts.

So I dragged myself out of bed, drove to Holly’s, and preached a little truth to myself the whole way. I quoted God’s Word and sang praise songs all out of key and loud. And I let His absolute truth boss me and boss me and boss me.

I’ll be honest, I was still scared. But I was a little less scared. And that was good.

I bet as you’ve been going through this journey, Satan has been trying to separate you from your real identity and truth as well. Instead of feeling victorious, you felt defeated. Instead of feeling steadfast, you felt shaky. Instead of feeling like a healthy lifestyle is doable, you wondered if you’d soon reverse your progress. Maybe you’ve even crawled into bed a time or two and pulled the covers way high.

Being uncertain and scared and riddled with doubt some days isn’t a sign of bad things to come. It’s actually quite the opposite. After all, if great things weren’t on the horizon, I don’t think the enemy would be so bent on attacking us. Think about it.

Today, try using a little truth to boss your feelings around. Remember, this whole healthy-eating journey is based on God’s Word. Let’s anchor ourselves in what God promises He’ll do for us Jesus girls who’ve struggled with food: “They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them” (Psalm 107:18 – 20a).

God sent forth His word and healed them. Healed them. And all my Jesus girls said, “Amen!”