A Soul Longing To Be Filled

A starved soul is like the vacuum cleaner my mother used when I was a child. It had a long metal tube that ravenously sucked up anything and everything set before it. It sucked up dust bunnies with the same furor as a $10 bill. I know that one from experience.

Our souls have the same ravenous intensity as my mother’s vacuum cleaner; that’s how God created us—with a longing to be filled. It’s a longing God instilled to draw us into deep intimacy with Him. The psalmist expresses this longing as an intense thirst:

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? (Psalm 42:1 – 2)

I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. (Psalm 143:6)

Indeed, our souls are thirsty and ravenous vacuums. If we fail to understand how to fill our souls with spiritual nourishment, we will forever be triggered to numb our longings with other temporary physical pleasures. When those pleasures are food, the resulting behavior is what we often hear referred to as “emotional eating.” But this issue is bigger than emotions; it’s really about spiritual deprivation.

My boyfriend breaks up with me. I want a tub of ice cream. That big business deal falls through. I’ll take the super-sized fries, please.

I don’t feel pretty. I need some chocolate to soothe and delight me.

My kids are driving me crazy. I deserve a piece of cake. I deserve three pieces.

I hate cleaning my house. When I’m done I’ll treat myself to as many chips as I want.

It’s my birthday and I don’t really think anyone cares. I’ll just eat my way into happiness or numbness.

Same difference, right?

I hardly think it ironic that I’m struggling even as I write these words. There’s a situation in my life that has wormed its way straight to the most vulnerable of places in my heart. This situation has made me feel hurt and rejected. Years ago a little crack in my strong resolve was created by the extreme rejection of my biological father. And while I’ve found amazing victory in understanding I’m no longer a child of a broken parent but rather a child of God, revisiting rejection is never fun.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t allow ourselves the occasional treat. We should. But I’ve realized when the desire for treats is triggered by difficult emotions, it’s not really a desire for treats. It’s a thinly veiled attempt at self-medication. And self-medicating with food even once triggers vicious cycles I must avoid.

When difficult emotions come, I must realize stuffing myself with food only serves to compound the bad feelings later. What I need in this moment is to do something good, positive, and healthy for myself. Take a walk, read an inspirational book, write an encouraging note to a friend, memorize an uplifting verse, or play some of my favorite praise songs really loudly while driving through the country. This is just a start of my list of positive things to do that refresh me. What would be on your list? What refreshes, refuels, and refills your soul?